This Week’s Quick Hits: 

St. Patrick

Saint Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland and one of the most successful Christian missionaries in history. A Roman citizen of Britain, he was captured by pirates at age 16 and sold into slavery in Ireland. He escaped back to Britain, became ordained as a bishop, and returned to the land of his captivity as a missionary circa 432/433 CE. His death date is celebrated on March 17, but the year he died, as with his year of birth, is unknown.

As we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day today, how many of these can you get right?

• The first-ever St. Patrick’s Day Parade in 1762 didn’t take place in Ireland as you might have thought. Where did it take place?

• Each year since 1962, the Chicago Plumber Union dyes what Kelly green?

• In the 17th century, green became associated with St. Patrick’s Day. What color was associated with the holiday originally?

• The most popular St. Patrick’s Day drink is Guinness. Roughly how many pints are served on St. Patty’s Day?

• Up until the 1970s, what used to be closed in Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day?

• Three-leafed shamrocks were believed to be used by Saint Patrick to explain what?

Apologizing

Listen: 

“How To Set Boundaries in a One-Sided Marriage”

We’ve been talking about what to do if you feel like you’re in a one-sided marriage. If you and your spouse are not on the same page and you want to make some changes, what are some appropriate boundaries you can set to help you grow and be at your best? And how can you implement them? Join us as we look at this topic!

Watch: 

“What Ifs”

Addictions kill people, relationships, and marriages. There are a myriad of different addictions. Watch this week’s YouTube vlog, where I talk about the “what ifs” that accompany every addiction.

Read: 

The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles

I think Amor Towles is a great storyteller. I like his scenario and his characters. I like how he develops these characters and weaves the parts of the story together. In this novel, set in 1954, we first meet Billy, then his big brother Emmet, who set out on a quest to find their mother, who left them years before. Clues to her whereabouts are contained in the postcards she sent during her journey to California on the Lincoln Highway. As much as I loved this book, it is apparently not for everyone. Nancy thought it really dragged and had trouble finishing it. Maybe it is more of a guy book. Nancy read the book and I listened to it. That may have made the difference as the voices brought the characters to life. I give it 4.5 stars. Nancy gave it 3. (5 stars is the top rating!)

Insights: 

In 2015, Zondervan published my first book, “7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage.” It was a bestseller when it debuted on Amazon and continues to sell well. For the next few weeks, I want to go through those seven secrets with you. Wherever your marriage is today, I believe these secrets will take it to a whole new level.

Secret #5: “BALANCE: Scheduling for a Better Marriage”

As a kid, I had balance down to an art. I could do tricks on my bike that drew a crowd of neighborhood kids every time I performed. It was awesome. Yet as a young adult, I had no idea what balance in a marriage was all about. The balance in my marriage was awful.

The first time that I heard the analogy of a man being the hunter that pursues the woman of his dreams, I did not get it. As hunters we pull out all the stops to get her but once we do - once she says “yes” and the ring is on her finger  - we go out to conquer other things. We quit pursuing her and move on to a career or a hobby or something else. (Thank you Dr. James Dobson. I just wish I had listened.)

I guess the best way to define balance in a marriage is to keep your spouse number two. In the first years of our marriage, I did a really bad job with balance. I pursued a career, tennis, running, working in the yard and friends and Nancy went from number two to number…? You would have to ask her where she felt she fell on my list of priorities. 

So the period of time that almost brought an end to our marriage directly correlated to our marriage being terribly out of balance. God gave me a wakeup call and another chance. I had to get this balance thing down. You know what I learned? Getting our marriage in balance took a lot of work, but I found that I liked my life in balance a lot better than a life not in balance. I liked putting Nancy number two and when I put her number two, guess where she put me? Yep, I was now her number two.

This is the cool thing God taught me. I am busier today than I have ever been but if you asked Nancy where she ranked in my life, she would without hesitation say she is number two!  I ask God to show me what I need to do each day to let Nancy know how much I love her and how important she is to me. You know what? He does!

Next Steps:

• Ask God to show you where you are out of balance in your marriage and then ask Him to help you put your marriage into balance.

Answers to March Madness Trivia:

1. The United States

2. The river

3. Blue

4. 13 million pints

5. Pubs

6. The Holy Trinity

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits: 

The Die Hard movies are among my favorites. In them, Bruce Willis plays John McClane, a tough Irish-American detective lieutenant with the NYPD. There are an endless number of great quotes from this movie series but here are some of my favorite Bruce Willis quotes as he celebrates his 67th birthday this month!

• “I’m much more proud of being a father than being an actor.”

• “I wake up laughing every day. I get a kick out of life.”

• “My wife heard me say I love you a thousand times, but she never once heard me say I’m sorry.”

• “Your kids need your love and attention, and being able to devote myself to them is very fulfilling. As I get older, spending time with my daughters makes things much easier. You learn to put your ego aside.”

• “Balding is God's way of showing you are only human. He takes the hair off your head and puts it in your ears.”

And a little “Die Hard “Trivia

1. What is John McClane's catchphrase?

2. Name the chauffeur sent to pick up John McClane in Die Hard.

3. Where is Die Hard With A Vengeance set?

4. What is the name of John McClane's daughter?

5. In Die Hard, how does John McClane get the attention of Sergeant Al Powell?

(Answers Below)

“Covering Your Spouse’s Vulnerabilities”

Listen: 

“What You Can Control When Marriage Feels Out of Control” 

Last week we talked about what a one-sided marriage looks like, and how to tell if you are in one. This week, Lindsay and I will talk about 5 things that can help you and your marriage, even if your spouse isn’t on board. Remember, “the only person you can control is you.” Join us!

Watch: 

“Jack and Kennedy”

This is the final vlog in the series on your health and your marriage. When I met Jack and Kennedy, they did not have a real counseling issue. They had a personal health issue. They would never have divorced but they were headed for a dead end if things did not change. How does your personal health affect your marriage both today and in the future?

Insights: 

In 2015, Zondervan published my first book, “7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage.” It was a bestseller when it debuted on Amazon and continues to sell well. For the next few weeks, I want to go through those seven secrets with you. Wherever your marriage is today, I believe these secrets will take it to a whole new level.

Secret #4: “ENGAGE: How to Fight Right”

What comes to your mind when you hear the word “conflict?” Most of us do not get warm fuzzy feelings. Depending on our life experiences, our responses can range from an unpleasant thought to absolute fear. 

Conflict in marriage can play out in a number of ways. Some couples go toe to toe. It is an all out battle to the end and someone will eventually win. In other couples, one is dominant and the other passive. The fights do not usually last long as the dominant one quickly overpowers the passive one either verbally or physically. 

There are a lot of combinations in between but the bottom line is that very few couples handle conflict in a healthy way. It may look different from one marriage to another but it is there. Actually, if a couple told me they never had conflict, I would think one of two things: 1) They are either totally unconnected, or 2) they are not being honest with me. 

Think about the times of conflict in your marriage. How do you handle them? If you fight to the finish, you get one winner and two losers  - the losing spouse and the marriage. If one dominates the other, trust is broken and self-protective walls are built. Often, I see couples in a conflict pattern. They fight about almost everything. They don’t choose their battles well at all. Repeated and unresolved conflict will eventually kill a marriage.

What if instead of conflict we switch to “engage?” Let’s be honest, every marriage has conflict. Marriage is designed for conflict! We are different by design and differences can cause conflict. We either embrace our differences or we let them tear us apart. It took us a long time to figure that out but when we did our marriage literally turned around. We went from fighting to engaging.  

There is so much to learn from the Bible but there is one short verse that turns conflict into engaging. James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” That’s it. 

Break that down: (1) Listen to your spouse. Really listen and value what they say. Embrace any differences. (2) Take your time before you speak so that you do not say something you will later regret. (3) Finally, control your anger. That will be tough for some of you because you either have never controlled it or you have not controlled it for a very long time.  

These three steps put the lid on conflict and set an atmosphere of engagement where differences can be resolved and valued.  

Next Steps:

• Pray that with God’s help, James 1:19 is written on your heart in such a way that it is always your first response.

Answers to Die Hard Trivia:

1. “yippee-kai-yay”

2. Argyle

3. New York

4. Lucy

5. Drops a body on his car

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits: 

March:

• March is the time of year when animals start waking up from hibernation.

• Statistically, March is the most unproductive month of the year in the U.S. This is the result of “March Madness.” Some companies lose up to $1.9 billion in wages paid to workers who were not productive and instead spent company time watching and betting on the games.

• On March 10, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first-ever phone call. He called his assistant and said, “Mr. Watson, come here. I want to see you.”

Speaking of March Madness:

1. When was the phrase "March Madness" coined and who coined it?

2. In which year did the NCAA tournament commence?

3. Which team won the first ever NCAA tournament?

4. Name the only coach ever to have won both the NCAA and NBA championships.

(Answers Below!)

“Love Even When You Don’t Feel Like It:”

Listen: 

Are You In A One Sided Marriage?

Many people tell us that their spouse isn’t on board with working on their marriage. They tell us they’re the only one working to make things better, and their spouse just isn’t willing to work on it with them. What is a one-sided marriage and what are some signs that you may be in one? Don’t miss this week's Awesome Marriage podcast!

Watch: 

Sleep

Do you get enough sleep? Do you function well at work and at home? If you are not getting enough sleep, why not? In this vlog we will look at the benefits of sleep and a 30-day sleep challenge.

Read:

Leadership In Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin

Are leaders born or made? Does the man make the times or do the times make the man? This fascinating book by Pulitzer Prize winning author Doris Kearns Goodwin answers these questions and more. Kearns explores how Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt and Lyndon Johnson first recognized leadership qualities in themselves and how others saw leadership in them. It is such a fitting book for our world today.

Insights: 

In 2015, Zondervan published my first book, “7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage.” It was a bestseller when it debuted on Amazon and continues to sell well. For the next few weeks, I want to go through those seven secrets with you. Wherever your marriage is today, I believe these secrets will take it to a whole new level.

Secret #3: CONNECT - The Art of Listening and Being Present

Sometimes I better understand what a word means when I know its opposite. Take the word “connect.” It can mean a number of things. We connect dots and airplane flights and we make professional connections in hopes of learning from each other. 

But what does “connect” mean in marriage? Are we talking or hanging out together, or does it mean the absence of fighting? Is it sharing a bank account or going on a date or just living under the same roof? I know couples that do all of those and yet the last word I would use to describe them would be connected. 

They talk but it is always on the surface. They hang out but it is more out of convenience. They don’t fight but there is no passion. The bank account makes sense to them on a practical level. The dates keep them from going to a movie or out to dinner alone and living together under the same roof saves a lot of money on bills. 

These couples do not connect  - they just exist together. Someone observing them might think they are connected, but they are not.  

Nancy and I do all the above, but here’s the difference. When we talk to each other we put a lot of effort into listening. We each want the other to know they are heard. That connects us. When we hang out together, we touch and sit close together and hold hands. Physical touch connects us. We fight but we try to fight fair, to resolve our differences and to show respect for each other.  That connects us. Sharing a bank account connects us because we have a budget and when we stick to it we have more to give away. Being generous connects us. We started having dates together in college and we still have them all the time. We look forward to enjoying time together and that time connects us. 

We are connected most of the time today, but it took work. We had a lot of “existing” years but we hung in there and as we learned to do marriage God’s way, the days of existing together turned into days of connecting together. 

Next Steps:

• Together with your spouse, define what “connect” means to you in your marriage.

• What things really connect the two of you?

• What causes you to just “exist”?

• What will you do today to “connect”?

Answers to March Madness Trivia:

1. 1982 by broadcaster Brent Musburger

2. 1939

3. Oregon Webroots

4. Larry Brown

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.