This Week’s Quick Hits: 

Great Quotations from the World of Sports:

• “I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match.” – Mia Hamm, former American soccer player.

• “Today you have 100% of your life left.” Tom Landry, former coach of the Dallas Cowboys

• “There may be people that have more talent than you, but there’s no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do.” – Derek Jeter, retired New York Yankee shortstop

Pop Music Trivia:

1. What singer has had a Billboard No. 1 hit in each of the last four decades?

2. Who was the very first American Idol winner?

3. Who was the first woman ever inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

4. What does Lady Gaga affectionately call her fans?

5. What is Post Malone‘s favorite restaurant?

“4 Rules for Expectations”

Listen: 

“A Forever Marriage Mindset”

My special guests on the AM Podcast for February are Joseph and Marissa Msefya, the founders of Forever Marriages. In this episode we talk about a forever marriage mindset and many of the challenges the world we live in brings against that mindset. Don’t miss this conversation! 

Watch: 

“The Gym”

In this week’s vlog join me as we talk about “the gym.” We know exercise is good for us but can it also be good for your marriage? Let’s dive into that question.

Movie: 

Redeeming Love 

One of my favorite Old Testament stories is really hard to understand. A man named Hosea falls in love with a prostitute named Gomer. The love he shows her is unconditional as she returns to her life of prostitution not once but twice. Yet, Hosea remains faithful and patiently waits for her return. Redeeming Love is a retelling of this story set in the 1850’s California Gold Rush. 

Michael Hosea falls in love with the prostitute Angel and loves her ina way she cannot comprehend. It is a powerful and timeless love story. The movie is PG-13 because of a partial nude scene after they are married and because of some violent content. Thus, it may not be for all couples.

Insights: 

In 2015, Zondervan published my first book titled “7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage.” It was a bestseller when it debuted on Amazon and continues to sell well. For the next few weeks, I want to go through those seven secrets with you. Wherever your marriage is today, I believe these secrets will take it to a whole new level.

Secret #2 is START: The Practice of Putting God First, Spouse Second

A few years back, I attended a conference in Amsterdam. One evening I sat and talked with a man who was a pastor from a small African village. The people in his church were very poor but he related how they had this incredible passion for God. Then he said something that really hit me hard. He said, “I feel sorry for you and your country. You have so much that distracts you from God. My people have nothing but God.”  

START begins with putting God first in your life. If I asked you what is most important in your life and you said God, is there evidence to prove that is true? If I looked at your calendar, what would I see? How much of your life is set aside to spend time with God? 

I was in a men's group where the leader asked us to write down our top three priorities. Then we went around the table and each shared our list. Without exception, our lists were identical - God, family, work. We were all feeling pretty good about our answers until our leader asked us to open the daily calendar on our mobile devices and lay them on the table.  

Guess what? All of our calendars were almost identical too, and none of us had time blocked off for God or family.  

Let me share something with you that I have found to be absolutely true: When my relationship with God is where it needs to be, my relationship with Nancy is too. When my relationship with God is not where it needs to be, neither is my relationship with Nancy.  

For me, putting God first, looks something like this. I start and end my day with Him. I seek His wisdom. I pray for my marriage and my family. I filter everything that happens in my day through Him. He is first. Then and only then do I keep Nancy where He wants her to be. He is my one.  She is my two. That is what START is all about.

Bottom Line: START pursuing God first!

Nest Steps:

• Ask God to reveal anything in your life that keeps Him from being Number One.

• Ask God to reveal anything in your life that keeps your spouse from being Number Two

• With God’s help, begin removing those obstacles.

Answer to SuperHero Trivia

1. Mariah Carey

2. Kelly Clarkson

3. Aretha Franklin

4. Little Monsters 

5. Olive Garden

 *Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits: 

Great Quotations:

• “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

• “If things seem under control, you are just not going fast enough.” – Mario Andretti

• “Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” –  Denis Waitley

SuperHero Trivia:

• Which original Avenger was not in the first few movies?

• What was Superman’s birth name?

• What is the name of Batman’s butler?

• Aquaman is from which city under the sea?

• Who is Green Lantern’s nemesis?

• What does DC stand for?

“Our Biggest Marriage Mistakes”

Listen: 

“What Is Team Language?”

I talk a lot about “team” language. What does that mean, and why does it matter? How can we learn to speak it in our marriages? In this podcast, Lindsay and I talk about all things “team.”

Watch: 

“You Are What You Eat”

In this fourth vlog on health and marriage, I talk about how the food we eat affects us and our marriage. Let's look at balanced eating, knowing when it’s time to talk to your doctor and how to support each other in being healthy. 

Read: 

“Rocket Fuel: The One Essential Combination That Will Get You More of What You Want from Your Business” by Gino Wickman, Mark C. Winters

What combination was a key to success for Disney, McDonald’s, and Ford? It was the pairing of a Visionary with groundbreaking ideas and an Integrator that made those ideas reality. If it worked in these businesses, it can work in yours.  When these two come together, sharing their natural talents and innate skill, it is like rocket fuel. From the author of the bestselling book Traction, Rocket Fuel lays out the roles of the Visionary and Integrator and explains how an effective relationship between the two can help a business thrive and reach new heights. This book is full of interesting ideas and assessments to help you determine if you are an Integrator or a Visionary. It’s an easy read with great information.

Insights: 

I love writing. My mind is full of thoughts and ideas and writing helps me sort things out and get them organized. In 1996, when I wrote the content for a class to help couples prepare for marriage, there seemed to be seven principles that were essential to a successful marriage. 

In 2015, those principles came together in my first book with a major publisher. The book is 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage. It was a bestseller when it debuted on Amazon and continues to sell well. For the next few weeks, I want to go through those seven secrets with you. Wherever your marriage is today, I believe these secrets will take it to a whole new level.

Secret #1 is “Stop the Insanity”

If we define “insanity” as something we do over and over expecting different results, at some point, most of us can say, “That’s me!” For example, if I drive 10 miles per hour over the speed limit on the way to work each day, and expect not to get pulled over, but continue to get pulled over and have a stack of speeding tickets, that would qualify as an “insanity.” 

Often in my marriage I have found that my “insanities” center around my expectations. For instance, I may have an expectation that Nancy is to keep the house clean, do all the laundry, and prepare dinner every night. Those are not “bad” expectations. But what if the reality is that Nancy has a full-time job and comes home in the evening just as tired as I do? What if I have never told her those expectations, and then get upset with her when she does not fulfill them?  

Get the picture? My “insanity” is having unrealistic expectations and then holding Nancy to them, even though I never communicated them to her. Now play that out over a few days or weeks. Each night I get angry at her. Each night she is frustrated with me and cannot understand what is wrong. She begins to withdraw from me because I seem unfair and insensitive. As she withdraws, I come on stronger and my “insanity” is killing our marriage. 

What about you and your marriage? Are there insanities? If so, here are two “next steps” that I would like for you to take.

• First, take a look at your marriage. What are your expectations? Are they realistic?  Have you shared them with your spouse? I want both of you to prayerfully make a list of your expectations, then share them with each other. Then decide together what is realistic and what is not. 

• Second, Paul lists out the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. What if my expectation in marriage was that together Nancy and I seek God’s help each day to build love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control into our marriage? Would that make a difference? Would that solve the insanities we bring into our marriage? Can you imagine what a “fruits of the Spirit” marriage would be like? If not, God can and He is there to help you build them into your marriage just as He would like them to be. Begin praying for God to build these into each of you and in your marriage.

Bottom Line: STOP the insanity.

Answer to SuperHero Trivia

• The Wasp

• Kal-El

• Alfred

• Atlantis

• Sinestro

• Detective Comics

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits:

 3 Quotes:

• “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”  – Tony Robbins

• “You get what you settle for.” – Thelma and Louise

• “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” – T. S. Eliot

1 Question:

February is our shortest month. Who officially set the number of days for the month? (Answer below)

“Loving Your Spouse Even When You Do Not Feel Like It”

Listen: 

“Warm Up Your Marriage”

February brings Valentine's Day, which most of us do a pretty good job of celebrating. What about warming up the other days this month in the smaller, everyday interactions with your spouse? Join Lindsay and me to talk about bringing warmth, gentleness, and sweetness into your marriage every single day.

Watch: 

“The Online Marriage Retreat”

What about adding something really special to your Valentine’s Day this year? The Awesome Marriage “Online Marriage Retreat” features great speakers like Debra Fileta, J. Parker, Laura Taggert, Jim Burns, Toni Nieuwhof, Scott & Vanessa Martindale, myself and so many more covering topics that will take your marriage to a whole new level. You can watch the sessions on demand in the comfort of your home, then talk over the follow up questions together to help you get the most out of each session.

Because you are a Dispatch Subscriber, you can get 10% off with the code AWESOMEMARRIAGE10. Here is the link to sign up!

App Store:

I’ve gone to the app store to find a new entertainment app or one that will help me grow as a person, only to end up clicking out of the store, overwhelmed by all the apps. It can be confusing. Plus, I don’t want to spend time or money on something I may not like. That’s why I am adding this new area to the Dispatch. It won’t be here every week but when I find an app that I really like I will pass that on to you. Here is App Number One!

“The Bible Project”

Tim Mackie and Jon Collins have created an app I cannot get enough of. The combination of Tim’s biblical knowledge and Jon’s passion for visual storytelling makes this app amazing. The Bible is read as a unified story helping us see the larger story every time we read it. You will love the graphics, illustrations, and animation. I rate this 5 out of 5 stars!

Insights: 

“As Usual”

We all have our own habits. Some of my daily habits like a morning quiet time, working out, brushing my teeth, and praying with Nancy make every day and my overall life better. Other daily habits are not as helpful. 

Eating the same thing for lunch every day is convenient and takes the thought process out of the picture, but I soon get burned out on whatever I am eating and find myself back at square one. Then there are the habits that are downright destructive to us and our marriages, which include pornography, flirting with anyone other than our spouse, drinking too much, and endlessly binging Netflix. 

In the book of Daniel, we meet Daniel, a teenager that has been displaced with his people from their homeland. They are now living in Babylon in captivity under the rule of King Nebuchadnezzar. The King issues an order saying that Daniel’s people are not allowed to worship their God. The penalty for breaking this law was being thrown into a den of angry, hungry, lions. Ouch!  

What was Daniel’s response? We find it in the eighth chapter of the book. “But when Daniel learned that the law had been signed, he went home and knelt down as usual in his upstairs room, with its windows open toward Jerusalem. He prayed three times a day, just as he had always done, giving thanks to his God.

Praying to God is easy for me. No one tells me that I can or cannot. It is not illegal. From praying, I grow closer to God and gain a clearer picture of the plan He has for my life. It is also a way to honor and worship God. I think Daniel looked at prayer in much the same way that I do and also received the benefits of prayer. 

The difference between me praying and Daniel praying was that den of lions! The lions were a reality for Daniel, but his longing to please and serve God trumped their threat. He prayed the day the law prohibiting prayer was signed and kept praying everyday after. It was his “as usual.” 

All of the above got me thinking. What if there was a lion’s den in my life? What if someone told me that I would die if I continued praying to God? Would my daily habit of praying continue? Would people say, “when Kim was faced with death, he prayed as usual” or “he caved in the face of danger”? What about you? 

Next Steps:

• What are your “good” daily habits?

• What daily habits need to change because they are not good for you?

• Is there anything that would keep your relationship with God from being as usual?

• What do you need to do to overcome that “thing?”

Answer to 1 Question:

1. Julius Caesar