This Week’s Quick Hits:

How Does Your Technology Knowledge Measure up?

Here are 10 questions to test you: 

1. What year was the very first model of the iPhone released?

2. What’s the shortcut for the “copy” function on most computers?

3. What is often seen as the smallest unit of memory?

4. Is Java a type of OS?

5. Who is often called the father of the computer?

6. What does “HTTP” stand for?

7. What is the name of the man who launched eBay back in 1995?

8. Which email service is owned by Microsoft?

9. Google Chrome, Safari, Firefox, and Explorer are different types of what?

10. What was Twitter’s original name?

(Find the answers below.)

“8 Things My Spouse Has Taught Me”

Listen: 

“Setting An Intention For Your Marriage”

If I asked you, “Do you want your marriage to be better this year?” I think all of you would say “yes!” Yet, at the end of December 2022, if I asked you, “Did your marriage get better this year?” how many of you will be able to say yes? Join Lindsay and me to look at how to set your marriage up for success this year.

Watch: 

“Staying Strong”

What do you want for your marriage? What do you want for your kids? How do you keep everything in balance and learn to say “no” when it will make a difference? In this video, let’s look at how you can do just that!

INSIGHTS

Final Surrender

This week we wrap up this series based on the popular song “White Flags” by Chris Tomlin and Passion. We have looked at expectations, selfishness, control, and anger, which can affect our marriages negatively. Each can be difficult to let go of, even when we see the destruction. The goal of this series is to get us to the point of surrender - to raise the white flag.  

I shared with you about the areas that have affected my life and my marriage negatively over the years. My unrealistic expectations of Nancy, my selfishness as a husband, my efforts to control, and my misuse of anger have all taken my marriage in directions that I never wanted it to go. I was faced with the same choices that you are. I could continue the pattern of destruction or I could surrender everything to God. 

If my marriage was ever going to be what God wanted it to be, I had to turn it all over to Him. My expectations of Nancy needed to be realistic and communicated well. My selfishness needed to be exchanged for acts of service. In the end, my control was just an illusion. I was never in control. Only God is. And that’s why I needed to lay my attempts at control at His feet.

Finally, anger in my marriage was never good. It was destructive and was never righteous. The bottom line for me was obvious: I raised the white flag and surrendered all to God.  

Don’t get me wrong, I am a long way from perfection. All of these issues can rear their ugly heads when I least expect them. Yet, I have a God who is changing me. He has brought me a long way and will faithfully complete what He started. 

It was no surprise to Him that I was broken. We all are. Yet we all can choose the path back to Him. He does not force us. He is there with open arms, waiting. We have a tendency to complicate things when it is really very simple: Surrender. Whatever it is, surrender it.  

“We raise our white flag, we surrender all to you.

We raise our white flag, the war is over.

Love has come, Love has won.”

A Next Step:

• What area(s) of your life do you need to surrender to God?

• Today lay them at God’s feet and raise your “white flag.”  

• Embrace His plan for you and for your marriage.  

• You will never be the same - and that is incredibly good news.

Technology Trivia Answers:

1. 2007

2. ctrl c

3. kilobyte

4. No

5. Charles Babbage

6. HyperText Transfer Protocol

7. Pierre Omidyar

8. Hotmail

9. Web browsers

10. twttr

“American Underdog”

The movie American Underdog debuted on Christmas Day. This amazing true story of the life of Super Bowl winner and MVP Kurt Warner is a great movie and appropriate for everyone. I was honored to be asked by my good friend Phil Davis to partner with him and Lionsgate to develop a date night resource to strengthen marriages based on the film. Watch a trailer for the movie below, and use this link to check out the resource I developed!

This Week’s Quick Hits:

• While it seems counterintuitive, Earth is actually closest to the sun in December, even though winter solstice is the shortest day of the year.

• Every winter, at least one septillion (that’s 1 followed by 24 zeros) snow crystals fall from the sky.

• The largest recorded snowman ever built was in Bethel, Maine, in February 1999. The 113-foot, 7-inch snowman broke the previous record held by Yamagata, Japan, at 96 feet and 7 inches.

How much of the world's freshwater supply comes from snow and ice? (Answer below.)

Listen: 

The Awesome Marriage Podcast is back from our Christmas Break, airing new episodes with my new co-host Lindsay Few.

“The Annual Marriage Checkup”

What is an annual marriage check up? As we’re getting the new year started, it’s a great time to take stock of your marriage. What’s going well, and what’s just not working? This fruitful practice can help you make the most of your marriage and your life together. Join us for this podcast and learn how!

Watch: 

“The Pause Button”

It is not a secret that our family of origin has a huge impact on us. Hopefully the good outweighs the bad. For many of us, we never take the time to really look at how our family of origin has affected us, good or bad. We grow up, move out, and get married. We think that if there were problems, we left them behind. But we did not. Now we have “blind spots.” 

If we do not hit the “pause button” and really look at our lives, the blind spots remain and their consequences continue to chip away at our marriages. In this week’s vlog, we’ll look at how to hit that “pause button.”

Insights: 

Anger and The White Flag

I have been angry  countless times in my life. Often, I know I am in the wrong, but there are those times when I try to justify my anger. I want to be right. What I have found in marriage is that it is never good when I am angry at Nancy because I do not handle it well. 

The Bible tells us to “be angry and not sin.” I think I have used that verse as a free ticket to justify being angry. I would just disregard the “do not sin” part, thinking that because I was “right,” however I made my point or won the argument was justified. That approach was devastating my marriage. Fights became win/lose battles and I wanted to always win. 

Over time I saw that when I won, my marriage lost. My marriage was crumbling around my self-righteous anger.

I do believe God gave us anger. There are Scriptures that speak of God’s anger and of Jesus’ anger. The problem is that, unlike mine, their anger is righteous. Theirs never involves sin. Mine always does. If I am to use anger in my life and in my marriage the way God intended, I need to see it as a warning that something is not right. Then I need to take that to God and let Him help me figure it out so that I do not react in sin.  

If I get upset at Nancy, I need to give myself a “time-out” to think it through and ask myself some questions. Why am I really angry? How do I need to respond? What does God want me to learn from this? Through this process I can be angry and not sin.

It is not necessarily the anger that I need to surrender, because I can see how God can use it in my life. I need to surrender my sinful response. The part that feels so good for a short time, until I realize the damage it has done. It is never worth it.  

So again I raise my “white flag” and lay my sinful angry responses down at the feet of God.

A Next Step:

• How do you handle anger?  

• How does it affect you and your marriage? 

• What do you need to lay at the feet of God?

Trivia Answer:

80% of the world’s freshwater supply comes from snow and ice!

This Week’s Quick Hits:

• Tomorrow (14th) is “Dress Up Your Pet Day” - if you do it, send us pics!

• If your birthday is in January you join this group of other famous people: Paul Revere, Nicholas Cage, FDR, Frank Sinatra, Martin Luther King, Jr, and Danica McKellar. Who is Danica McKeller? That’s your trivia question today! (Answer below)

•  “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige, and even his life for the welfare of others.” - Martin Luther King, Jr. from his 1963 book, Strength to Love.

“The Annual Check In Counseling Appointment”

Read:

“New Morning Mercies” by Paul David Tripp

My good friend Dave Lopez left a copy of the book New Morning Mercies in my mailbox on New Year’s Day. In this “daily Gospel devotional,” author Paul David Tripp doesn’t give us another feel good devotional. (I’m not knocking those - I’ve read many and loved them all!) This devotional is different in that it gives us a daily encounter with the living God. The better we know Him, the easier it is to trust in His goodness, rely on His grace, and live for His glory each and every day.

Listen: 

Men and Mental Health

The Dr. Kim and Colby Leadership Podcast takes a look at leading as a man, a husband, and a dad. What does this role look like and how do we excel in this role day after day, year after year? This month’s podcast focuses on mental health; specifically mental health for men. It’s a topic most men avoid. Join me and Colby as we unpack this critical issue. 

Watch: 

“A Crossroads”

“We were married five years when our son, Grant, was born. Julie came almost three years later. They truly became our world, but we knew that world had to include our marriage. I wish I could give you the formula for how we made it happen, but I cannot. It was never a checklist. I think it eventually became a lifestyle.” - Dr. Kim

How do you balance kids and marriage? In this week’s vlog, I look at ways to handle those crossroads!

Insights: 

Control and The White Flag

To me it is funny how God uses some of the simple everyday things in life to teach me incredible lessons. He amazes me over and over. 

Recently Nancy and I were watching TV on a Sunday afternoon. There were some great football games on and I was flipping back and forth to keep up with all of them. I think that I am a remote control genius. 

As often happens though, I took a bathroom break. When I returned, I could not believe what I found. Nancy not only had the remote in her hand but she was actually punching buttons. What was she doing? I just knew she had my channel sequence out of whack. How could she do this? Did she not know that I was in control of the remote today?

There it was right in my face: CONTROL. If I was honest with myself, it was not just the remote that I wanted control of. I wanted control of my life and of my marriage. Did she not know that I was the one who knew how to use the remote best? Didn't she know that she would probably mess it up? Didn't she know that I was the one who best knew how to live my life? Didn't she not know that I was the one who best knew how to run our marriage? I just knew that I needed to be in control!

When I took time to take an honest look inside myself, the problem with my thinking was pretty simple. It's not my job to be in control. Not today or tomorrow. My job is to give control over to God. Think about it. Who better to run my life and my marriage? I am the one who messes things up when I venture out on my own. God does not. He has the perfect plan for me and my marriage and He needs to always have the “remote” of my life. 

Every day I need to give my desire to control things at His feet and I need to leave it there. Another “White Flag” is laid down. When I do that, everything is better!

A Next Step:

• What about you? Do you struggle with control?

• How is it affecting your marriage?  

• Are you ready to give control over to God? 

• What step do you need to take today?

Birthday Trivia Answer:

There is the current TV version of “The Wonder Years” but the original version made its debut on March 15, 1986. Danica McKellar played Gwendolyn "Winnie" Cooper, the main love interest of Kevin Arnold (played by Fred Savage) on the show. Her first kiss was with Fred Savage in an episode of The Wonder Years. She later said, "My first kiss was a pretty nerve-wracking experience! But we never kissed off screen, and pretty quickly our feelings turned into brother/sister, and stayed that way."

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