Insights:

As we approach the end of the third year of COVID, I think we are really seeing some of the fallout. None of us had ever lived through a pandemic before. We didn’t have anyone older to give us advice on navigating lockdowns, masks, working from home, school at home and all the other things we endured, including fighting strangers for a pack of toilet paper. 

What about marriage? How have marriages been affected? Let’s take a look at post-COVID era marriage.

• Many couples could not get on the same page with a game plan for COVID. One thought they should wear masks while the other was adamantly against them. The same was true with getting vaccinated, going in public or any other issue where there were opposing opinions. 

• Many couples never figured out how to divide duties at home. One or both had to work from home and many of them were also taking on the role of being their child’s teacher.  I had so many people tell me they felt very ill equipped for that role and many said it was worse because the support from their schools was minimal at best.

• Some spouses discovered things that their spouse was hiding from them. Things like porn, an emotional affair, or a physical affair. Then they had no way of dealing with it. 

Psychologist Dr. Marni Feuerman said, “"The pandemic has caused stress for everybody. There's a collective trauma, but couples that were strong beforehand are even stronger. They already knew how to use their relationship as a resource at a time of stress. The couples who have been worst affected are those where there were problems before this started." I think she is spot on. I would add that many of the struggling couples have jumped to divorce. Many of those who would have fought for their marriage in the past just gave up. Divorce has become an even more “normal” part of our lives. 

My point this week is if you are struggling in your marriage today, the stresses of the COVID-era and how it affected you and your spouse could be a factor. Divorce is not the answer. The answer is fighting for your marriage and doing everything both of you can do to individually be healthy and then for your marriage to be healthy.

Questions For You To Think About:

• On a one to ten scale, how do you rate your marriage post COVID-era?

• Where do you want your marriage to be today?

• What can you do to improve your marriage?

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2 Minute Drill

Affair Proof Your Marriage

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote: J.R.R. Tolkien was born on January 3, 1892 in Bloemfontein in the Orange Free State (now the Free State Province) in the Republic of South Africa. He met Edith Mary Bratt at the age of 16, and she later became his wife. He was a writer and a philologist.The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings are two of his most famous books. Tolkien, a devout Roman Cathoilic, was a significant factor in C.S. Lewis’s conversion from atheism to Christianity. He is often referred to as the “father of modern fantasy literature.”

• “Not all those who wander are lost.”

• “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”

This Week’s Trivia Question: What is measured in "mickeys?

This Week’s Did You Know: Here are a couple for winter:

• Your fingernails grow faster when you are cold.

• A typical cough is 60 mph while a sneeze is often faster than 100 mph.

Something To Talk About! Would you rather have chicken noodle soup or Nyquil when you don’t feel good?

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Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: Winter Break

While the Awesome Marriage Podcast is still on winter break, here’s a great episode to listen to. Check out the encouraging conversation I got to have with Matt Hammit about becoming the leader your family needs in Finding the Courage to Lead with Special Guest Matt Hammitt | Ep. 524.

AM YouTube Channel:  What are Touch Points?

Touch points to connect with our spouse are all around us every day. Let’s talk about where you can find them.

AM YouVersion Plan: Redefining Love

What is God’s definition of love? In this seven day plan we will process that question and help you apply that to your life and marriage.

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This Week’s Trivia Answer:

• The speed of a computer mouse!

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Insights:

For the past six years or so, the daily One Thing email has been the most popular thing we do at Awesome Marriage. Each day Monday through Friday, subscribers receive a daily email with one thing that they can do to help grow their marriage each day. From my perspective, it is a way to help people focus on their marriage in a positive way each day. 

Couples tell us all the time the difference the One Thing has made in their marriage. If we are intentional about doing something good for our marriage each day, good things will happen.  When a husband and a wife are both intentional, amazing things will happen. Last week, I talked about creating a new habit for the new year. This week I have another suggestion. It has a little bit of One Thing and a little bit of habit as its foundation.  

Here’s the process:

• Think of something that you can do for your spouse that will make their life better, easier, or more enjoyable.  

• Now take that thing and make it a daily habit.

• After 30 days, evaluate it. Is your marriage better? If yes, keep doing it. If not, try something new.

Here’s mine. I am going to ask Nancy every day if there is something that I can do to help her. I have asked that question at times in the past but never consistently. I think it will make our marriage better for a couple of reasons. First, it shows her every day that I care about her and all she does. Second, it’s not just caring but also taking an action step. I need to do what she says will help her. 

Now my theory is that some days she will have something that I can help her with and some days she will not but every day she will know that I care. That helps build the Awesome Marriage we want!

Questions For You To Think About:

• What is something that you can do daily that will make your spouse's life better, easier, or more enjoyable?

• Now that you have it, is there anything that will get in the way of you following through? If so, deal with it.

• After 30 days, evaluate what it has done for your marriage.

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2 Minute Drill

Growing Personally While Growing Your Marriage

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Born in January 1929, Dr. Martin Luther KIng, Jr. was one of the most prominent leaders of the civil rights movement, which achieved pivotal legislative gains with the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Voting Rights Act of 1965, and the Fair Housing Act of 1968. Dr. King was a Baptist minister and in 1964, he received the Nobel Peace Prize for combating racial inequality and nonviolent resistance. He died in 1968 by the hand of an assassin.

• Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

• The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

This Week’s Trivia Question: When Jack Nicholson improvised “Here’s Johnny!” in The Shining, he was referring to what TV show?

This Week’s Did You Know: The dot over a lowercase i and j has a name! It's called a tittle, which is a noun meaning "a tiny amount or part of something.

Something To Talk About! Would You Rather: Get a postcard every day from a stranger in a different country or a 10 minute call with anyone you choose in the world once a year?

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Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: Winter Break

The Awesome Marriage Podcast is on its annual winter break. If you want a great episode to listen to during the break, check out this encouraging conversation I had with Toni Nieuwhof in Episode 468!  Hope For the Unhappy Marriage With Special Guest Toni Niewhof | Ep. 468

AM YouTube Channel:  Communication: Good, Bad or Ugly?

How is your communication in your marriage? Is it “good, bad, or ugly?” Join me to talk about communication.

AM YouVersion Plan:  Mind Craft: Take Your Thoughts Captive to Transform Your Marriage

What happens to our hopes and dreams and possibilities for our marriage? Why do some couples just exist together? In this three-day plan, we will look at how to reframe your spouse and reverse the negative process.

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This Week’s Trivia Answer:

• The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson!

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Insights:

The New Year begins in three days. I want you to consider not making a New Year’s resolution this year. Maybe you have made one every year as far back as you can remember. I have made a bunch over the years too. The problem with my past resolutions is that they did not stick. Some were probably unrealistic in the first place and others I was not really committed to. 

Research shows that most Americans have given up on their resolution before January ends. Why put yourself through that? Why do something that has little chance of succeeding? None of us want to fail, right? So here is your alternative. Develop a new habit. One that will be good for you. 

Maybe you decide to start brushing your teeth every day. My dentist says I would not believe the number of people that don’t do that. Maybe the new habit is to pray every morning.  Invite God into your day.  Ask Him to guide you and help you in whatever you are doing.  Add a prayer for your marriage and your family. What about reading just one verse in the Bible every day? Seriously, it will make a difference.  Say you happen to read James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  That one verse applied to your life could be a game changer.  The idea is to find something that will really enrich your life. The things I mentioned will make your life better.  

Research says it takes 21 days to make something a habit. So after brushing your teeth every day for 21 days, brushing your teeth becomes a habit. Plus, you will get the bonus of people actually wanting to talk to you face to face. Praying and reading a verse every day will make your life better for the 21 days and then it will become a habit for you for the rest of your life. Giving up chocolate or going on a crash diet are resolutions. They may make your life better for a day or two but you will soon kick those resolutions to the curb. Here’s your challenge. Pick one thing that will enrich your life. Do it everyday for 21 days. Now you have a new habit that will make your life better.

Questions For You To Think About:

• What were some of your past New Year’s resolutions?

• How long did you keep working on  them?

• What is one habit you could begin that would make a difference in your life?

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2 Minute Drill

What is being “unequally yoked” all about in marriage?

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote: Nick Vujicic

Nick Vujicic is an Australian-American born without arms or legs who has become a world-renowned speaker, New York Times best-selling author, coach and entrepreneur. He is the founder and CEO of the non-profit ministry “Life Without Limbs.” He and his wife Kanae have four children.

• Often people ask how I manage to be happy despite having no arms and no legs. The quick answer is that I have a choice. I can be angry about not having limbs, or I can be thankful that I have a purpose. I chose gratitude.

• I know for certain that God does not make mistakes, but he does make miracles. I am one. You are, too.

This Week’s Trivia Question

How many versions of the Times Square New Year's Eve Ball have there been to date?

This Week’s Did You Know

Coca-Cola played a part in Santa's image. Before Coca-Cola decided to use his image for advertising, Santa's looks tended more toward spooky than jolly. Then, in 1931, the beverage company hired an illustrator named Haddon Sundblom to depict the jolly old elf for magazine ads. Now, kids see visions of sugarplums instead of having Santa-themed nightmares.

Something To Talk About!

Would You Rather: See ten years into the future or travel back 100 years?

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Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: Winter Break

The Awesome Marriage Podcast is on its annual winter break. If you want a great episode to listen to during the break, check out the encouraging conversation I got to have with Bob Goff in Episode 481! Cultivating Curiosity & Courage with Special Guest Bob Goff | Ep. 481

AM YouTube Channel:  Don’t Make a New Year’s Resolution This Year

Check out this week's vlog and I will tell you why!

AM YouVersion Plan: One Thing To Grow Your Marriage Each Day

One of our most popular resources at Awesome Marriage is our One Thing email, which we send each weekday. In it you can find one thing you can do each day to grow your marriage.  This 31 day plan gives you an opportunity to try out the One Thing and then sign up to get them sent to your inbox the rest of the year.

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This Week’s Trivia Answer:

• Seven!

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