This Week’s Quick Hits:

Did you know?

• Grapes light on fire in the microwave! A March 2019 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reported that the fruity fireball occurs as a result of the loose electrons and ions that cluster to form plasma when grapes get hot. (I know this is such a guy deal! I can hear microwaves humming around the world!)

Can You Answer This? 

• What was the biggest new product bomb ever for McDonalds?

Streaming: 

The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill

Mark Driscoll founded Mars Hill Church in 1996. Mark’s charismatic personality positioned the church for rapid growth and the opportunity to be an influential force in evangelicalism. Yet on October 14, 2014, Mark resigned from Mars Hill and within three months Mars Hill ceased to exist. This is a story of power, conflict, and celebrity all gone wrong. This podcast series is so well done by Christianity Today and I think there are many lessons for all of us to learn from the Mars Hill Story.

Listen:

Awesome Marriage Podcast: “The Insecure Spouse”

We all have at least a few insecurities but when do these affect our marriage in a negative way? In this podcast join Christina and I as we give you some practical tips on navigating insecurities in marriage.

Watch:

5 Things To Do To Fight Fair - Stay in Control

Do you ever get out of control with your spouse? Have you tried to get a grip on it but continue to come up empty? In this video, I give you the secret to staying in control!

Read:

Eli’s Best Friend 

My first ever children’s book with illustrator Jeremy Wells will be released on October 19th and will be available everywhere. Pre-order on Amazon Here!

Insights:

A Lifetime of Awesome Sex in Marriage Pt. 4 - Frequency

It’s essential to get on the same page about frequency. It removes one of the biggest hurdles couples face in seeking a healthy sex life. We have to talk about frequency.

The goal is for your sex life to be better for both of you today and to lay the foundation for the rest of your marriage. Don’t lose sight of that goal. From talking to couples in counseling it seems their sex life is rarely or never talked about. 

Here’s how I suggest you start having these conversations: sit facing each other; don’t interrupt each other; really listen when the other person is talking; be able to tell them in your own words what they said. Don’t try to solve everything or talk about everything at one time. See yourselves as a team working together to solve a problem. The goal is a win for each of you and for your marriage. 

People ask me all the time how often it’s “normal” for couples to have sex. Don’t ask what’s “normal” in general, rather what is your normal? Asking how often married couples have sex can be a dangerous question because the answer is what works for that couple in their current season of life. It may be very different for you and the season you are in. 

Normal really is a moving target. You can define your normal for today and this season of your marriage, then it can change when you enter a new season of marriage. So when you begin to talk about frequency, don’t start with “what is a normal sex life?” Start by defining your normal. That is really the only thing that matters. Comparison can really get us in trouble here.  Every couple is unique, therefore what works for them as far as frequency is unique to them and their lives together. Let’s define your normal.

Marriages are different, lives are different, sex drives are different and schedules are different. You want to take all that into consideration when deciding your normal. What is realistic? If you have sex once a week, twice a week, every day, twice a month, or once a month, does that work for you both? When we fight over frequency, our focus shifts and we are no longer embracing the gift of sex in marriage as God intended. 

Your sex life will never be great until you quit arguing over frequency. But don’t miss this:   Frequency is not the issue. The issue is how you handle the frequency issue together. As you talk about it, the goal is not to convince your spouse to see things your way. The goal is to really listen to each other and find a middle ground, a balance that works for each of you. Remember you are not setting your normal for the rest of your marriage - only for this season.  

Stick with this conversation until you reach a solution that works for both of you. Be willing to compromise. Once you agree, try it for a month and then talk about it again. Is it working for you? If not, what needs to change? Think about it this way: If you can stop fighting over frequency, what could that do for your sex life? 

Try it this week: 

Next Steps:

• Considering the season your marriage is in today, what is your normal as far as frequency? Spend time talking about this and define your normal!

Can You Answer This?:  Bubblegum-flavored broccoli, which McDonald’s developed in 2014 as a tastier version of the leafy green for children, was a complete failure.

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits:

Did you know?

• On September 16, 1620, the Mayflower departed Plymouth, England with 102 Pilgrims and about 30 crew members for the new world!

Can You Answer This? 

• According to US stats, more babies on average are born in which month than any other month of the year? (See answer below)

Read:

“Make Your Bed” by Admiral William H. McRaven

Making the bed is something many of us do every day, never thinking of the bigger implications it may have on our lives. William H. McRaven is a retired Navy SEAL with 37 years of experience. The strategies that helped him through difficult times are the 10 life lessons from this book. And, yes, he begins with making your bed.

Listen:

Awesome Marriage Podcast: “The Disconnected Marriage”

Join Christina and I as we define a disconnected marriage and then give you practical ways to connect. 

Watch:

“5 Things to do to Fight Fair: Don’t be Judgmental”

 Where is your focus when you think about your spouse? Are your thoughts helping your marriage or hurting it? How can you keep from being judgmental? Join me in this video as we look at how our thought choices affect our marriage. 

Study:

7 Deadly Sins and Your Marriage 

In this YouVersion plan, we will look at how each of these relate to marriage and how we can open our hearts to God and let Him bring restoration and healing.

Insights:

A Lifetime of Awesome Sex in Marriage Pt. 3

Think about this. What if we asked God what He wanted for us in the sex life in our marriage?  What do you think He would say? Here are some of my thoughts. Sex was designed to knit a couple cloer together. It was designed to give pleasure. Sex brings the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual all together for a couple. God designed sex for us to enjoy.  

In the Old Testament book Song of Solomon, Solomon talks of enjoying his wife’s body. He writes of how both he and his wife are fulfilled; the closeness the sexual relationship brings them; how it helps to grow their love for each other; and how their commitment to each other deepens through sex. In one chapter, Solomon starts at his wife’s head and works his way down her body. In another, he starts at her feet and works his way up. He writes of making love to her all night long. His wife cherishes the way he loves and cares for her. She willingly gives herself to him.That is what God intended. That is what God has for you.

If I asked you what you wanted your sex life in marriage to look like through each of the seasons of marriage - newlyweds, raising kids, empty nest, middle age, older age - what would you say? Would you both say the same thing? 

You have to know what you want if you are going to get there. If I get in my car in OKC to go to Washington DC, but have no map or directions, will I get to DC? Maybe... but probably not. Even if I do, it will take me longer than it should have, and I will have experienced a whole lot of frustration along the way. Same with your sex life. The two of you need a map to help you get where you want to go.  

So, first question: What do you want most out of your sexual relationship in your marriage?

This is your starting point. Each of you write down your answer and then share what you wrote with each other.  

Try it this week: 

• Considering the season your marriage is in today, what is your first step in making your sex life into what you both want it to be?

Can You Answer This?: September

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits:

Did you know?

• While there are currently no female players in Major League Baseball, there have been plenty of women in professional men's leagues. The first was Lizzy Arlington, who pitched during the ninth inning for the Reading Coal Heavers in 1898 and won her team the game. A little over 30 years later, an African-American woman, Jackie Mitchell, pitched against the Yankees during an exhibition game, striking out both Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig. What's more impressive: Mitchell was 17 years old at the time.

Can You Solve This? 

• Forwards I am heavy, backward I am not. What am I?

  • (Answer at the bottom!)

READ - LISTEN - WATCH

Read:

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer

The subtitle of this book is “How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World.” This book did exactly what it was supposed to do for me. I set aside the time to intentionally slow down and look at my life. I discovered that I hurry a lot! Of the ten symptoms of “hurry sickness,” I checked four of them. They each affect my life and those around me in negative ways. The book is full of challenges and ideas and presents a lifestyle that makes a lot of sense. Now I have some next steps to take.

Listen:

Awesome Marriage Podcast: Managing Margin

Creating margin in your marriage is not a one time event. It is a lifestyle of breaking negative cycles and patterns and building a life together filled with grace. Join Christina and me as we discuss ways to do this.

Watch:

5 Things to Do To Fight Fair Part 1

Do you fight fair? Most of us don’t do a very good job of this with our spouse. This new vlog series, “5 Things to Do to Fight Fair,” debuts today. It will help you change the way you fight. Today we focus on listening.

Insights:

A Lifetime of Awesome Sex in Marriage Pt. 2

A good sex life is like everything else in a good marriage—it takes work. It takes communication. It takes time and effort. 

It takes time and effort at the beginning of a marriage and it takes time and effort in every other stage a marriage goes through.

Looking back, at 20 and 22 years old, Nancy and I had so much to learn - about each other, about life, and about sex. I want to share with you a few of the things that we learned.

• We both thought about sex. I just thought about it a lot more. 

• I learned that making her feel guilty so she would have sex worked in the short term but was so damaging or the long haul. 

• We learned that in the first five years we had a lot of time for sex. When kids came we had to be really intentional to make sex happen.  

• I learned that a lock on our bedroom door was one of the best investments that I ever made. 

• We learned that our sex drives were different. That was not bad but we had to learn how to navigate that.

• We learned what we liked and did not like in sex.

• I had wider boundaries when thinking about things to do in sex and I had to stay at her comfort level. 

• We learned that in certain seasons of life, we had to be very intentional or sex did not happen. 

• We discovered that learning about each other and sex was going to be a lifelong project. 

Next Steps:

• In your marriage, what have you learned about each other, about life, and about sex with each other? Take a 15 minute timeout together and share your answers!

Can You Solve This Answer: Ton

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.